Friday, April 28, 2006

oops! left something out

yeah.. one more thing i forgot about..

the other night.. i had a really funky dream.. i dreamt that i was getting married!!!

in a blue wedding gown!!!!


attention all readers of castalnetta.blogspot.. we regret to inform you that the owner of this blog has failed to be resuscitated after her case of severe chronic hyperventilation disorder (what crap?!)

hey where did my hols go to?!

ahhhh.. just realised that i managed to pass a whole week without blogging! its amazing i say!!
ok.. hmm.. accomplishments of the week include me finally finally finally taking a bus for the first time in nz.. yes.. call me spoilt or whatever.. its just that with my aunt ferrying me around.. there really was no need for me to know how to take a bus..

accomplishment number two is me finally getting the fleece that i was supposed to have gotten ages ago due to the weather and my somewhat tropical and not very functional in seasonal country wardrobe.. so yeah.. was supposed to have gotten something "thick" to wear.. but so far other than that fleece and a coat.. all the rest are totally summer wear.. what with tank tops.. racer backs and spaghetti straps.. heh!

accomplishment number three was today.. when i ACTUALLY got up though not out of bed before the clock struck 11! but yeah.. today.. i only got moving from the comforts of my bed.. to the kitchen.. to the couch and back to the kitchen.. not too bad.. considering its the last day of my hols.. and what i should really be doin is just hanging out on my bed...

come to think of it.. its gonna be the weekend tomorrow.. and after that.. school starts all over again.. term 2... a dreadful dreadful term 2.. not something i'm really actually looking forward to with the exception of the court visit on day 3 of week1..other than that.. nyeh...

have got some bit of english work which i was suppose to complete over the holidays.. but it flew out of the window the moment hols started.. but whatever.. its easy and im gonna get it done in 15 mins flat.. half an hour tops..

so yeah.. the weekend before school.. sucks.. ah wells.. at least tonight i have the line to myself...kor kor said that he'd get me a complete goth outfit! whee!! on the condition that i lose weight.. there goes my butter cookies.. hmm.. i wonder where is xin.. she just like left me and wy without saying a thing.. arghh

its scary the way how sometimes my mum knows my every single action over here.. like when i go out for movie or something.. the next time she calls me.. she would ask me about the movie.. and im like.. but i never said anything bout going for a movie.. talk about having your every move monitored.. even across oceans and seas..

fare thee well
lil broken heart
downcast eyes
lifetime loneliness
whatever walks in my heart
will walk alone
constant longing for the perfect soul
unwashed scenery forever gone
no love left in me
no eyes to see the heaven beside me
my time is yet to come
so i'll be forever yours

forever yours + nightwish

Monday, April 24, 2006

Dear Diary Episode 6

Dear Diary,
Things got really messed up over the weekend. The few of us were at Brian's place just chillin, watching movies and playing the ps2 and all. Naturally, I was sitting with Brian whereas Michael crashed in the couch opposite us. We were having quite a good time, or at least I thought we were.. until Michael left and texted me afterwards. He sounded really jealous and all. The things he said were not called for at all. He was like "good luck with Brian.. the two of you look really good together.. you were all over him, if you don't mind me saying". What does he take me for? Some kind of whore who will throw herself at any and every guy? He even admitted to being jealous of Brian. After a while, I could not bear the thought of talking to him anymore. I just ignored him thinking that it will blow over.

On Sunday morning, Michael texted me. Everything sounded ok, like it was back to normal. I thought it was just last night and nothing else. That was until I made a passing comment about how I thought some guys on tv were hot. Then it all started again. Michael started sounding really possessive and jealous. When I told Brian about it, Brian made it clear to me that I had to talk to Michael about the whole thing. That I had to be cold and brutally honest, otherwise it would not work. It was better that way in the long run he said. I tried to be mean and cold. I tried really really hard! But I was not getting through to Michael no matter what I said. I was feeling horrible enough as it is. And with Brian pushing me to clear things out with Michael the mean and honest way, I felt like I was being pushed over the cliff. I could not take it any more. I just sat there sobbing hoping all of this would go away. But it didn't. When I opened my eyes, everything was still the same as before. Both Michael and Brian were not helping with the situation. I thought I was going to have a breakdown or something. It just isn't me to be mean to anyone. I just can't do it anymore. Maybe before this.. when being mean was something that came naturally to me.. but not now. Even ignoring Michael's messages seem to be sucking the life out of me.

I just don't get it. What is it that the both of them want with me? Does life really have to be this complicated? I'm not an object to be passed around or to be played with. I have feelings too! Why can't love just be black and white and not grey? I guess I got more than I bargained for when I wished that I would find love this year.

Friday, April 21, 2006

for the life of me

for the life of me.. i cannot remember the password to my flooble chatterbox.. and when i attempt to get them to email the password to me.. i don't GET any emails.. which means i probably just typed in some random email... arghh...which boils down to me not being able to change the settings for my taggie!! boohoohoo

for the life of me.. i've just realised that i do post VERY VERY VERY long posts.. i have no idea why.. i mean.. i just drone on and on and on *pretty much like what im doin now* and still people read my posts! amazing!! i get bored listening to myself sometimes.. hmm..

nyeh.. might head out to the malls in the morning by myself.. since everyone else seems to have got something to do tomorrow.. need to go hunt for a present.. hehehe.. things would be so much easier if i could read minds.. then i could read into the mind of the birthday girl/boy and see what it is that she/he really wants.. but then again.. do i? hmmm.. what DO i get for a guy who has got possibly everything that he wants? i'm quite sure that there's something he wants that i can get for him but it'll probably be too expensive.. oh wells.. time to hit the shops!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

oh look! MORE photos!!

aww.. what dya know.. more photos.. this one i just acquired from eliza.. its a photo of me and joanna.. in a way, joanna reminds me of weiyi.. due to the all pink thing.. haha

cinema tickets! watched just friends with yi lin today.. a pretty good show i must say.. haha

card from xin!! i've got mail!! i was like so damn excited that i received mail from her today!! it made me laugh and cry at the same time! thanks xin!!

the front of the card.. cute right?

the cloth tags from my not so very cheap cargo and army pants from just jeans.. the army ones were 80bucks and the cargoes 50

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

oh look! photos!

taken in the senior form courtyard on the last day of school without me knowing.. the perils of a camera phone on silent...
-photo courtesy of michael-

me and jessica
taken in the back of A block

i think felex took this when mr. summerfield was getting a photo of us.. this was during wacky week of course.. on monocolour day.. no prizes for guessing what colour i was in..

taken at the driving range.. my aunt and cousin in action.. o and bits of my other cousin nicholas.. sadly hidden by the pillar..

a "scenic" view of the driving range.. btw.. i DID get a go at it.. mindless whacking of balls onto a field..

l-r charlotte, shing and me at dinner.. had tonnes of fun that night! didn't see them for over a month.. on account of us being in different schools.... them in riccarton me in burnside..

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Dear Diary Episode 5

"Stupid math.. why would I ever need to know what the tangent of a degree is? To ensure i cut an apple at the tangent of 30 degrees??" Shirley muttered to herself.

Frustrated and tired, Shirley looked up from her books to see an incoming message on her mobile. A smile spreading on her face, Shirley thought to herself, "A break.. finally!" as she picked up her vibrating mobile from the table. The message was from Michael. It read "Remember the girl whom I had in mind but refused to let you in on her identity? That girl is you." Shirley stared at the message dumbfounded not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to reply. Not knowing what to do.


Dear Diary,
Michael confessed to me that he had feelings for me. But how could that possibly be? I barely knew him two weeks. Well, okay maybe more than that. I met him at Brian's party a few weeks back. But i didn't really talk to him until more than a week back in school. And he knows that I like Brian. Well, it was more of him guessing than me telling. Oh god.. How can it be? I've been texting him for only a little more than a week. and even then, they were just random topics. Nothing out of the ordinary. No intimate details involved either.


Shirley did not get a chance to reply. For just as she was going to hit the "reply" button, another message came in from Michael. This time, it read "I know there's a guy in your life now and its Brian. But i'm quite sure that you know Brian and Evelyn are inseparable. I'm not asking anything. I just wanted you to know that in my life, there's only place for one girl now and that girl is you."

This time, Shirley replied, "I know they are inseparable. It didn't take me too long to suss that out. All I want is for Brian to be happy. Nothing more than that."

"Aren't you secretly wishing them apart? What's the point of you just liking Brian if you can't do anything about it? Its nice that you want him to be happy and all. But what about you? Who is gonna take care of you and YOUR happiness?" was Michael's next reply.

A single tear drop slid down Shirley's once rosy but now sunken cheeks. Michael was right and Shirley knew it. But there was almost nothing she could do to stop herself from feeling that way for Brian. She tried to forget him. She tried to move on. But no matter how hard she tried, she always ended up back at where she was. Falling for Brian all over again. No one else knew about it. Or so she thought.

Knowing she couldn't avoid the subject with Michael altogether, she could only reply earnestly how she really felt for him and hope that Michael would understand. "Listen Mike, I'm really flattered.. really I am.. But i'm just not quite worth it.. and it wouldnt be fair for you either. I'm sorry if i have in any way implied or led you on or anything. I'm really sorry.. it was unintentional. i'm really sorry" and she hit the send button. Replying messages was never difficult for Shirley but this time, she felt like she had to will all the strength in the world to send that message out.

Barely a second passed when Shirley's mobile vibrated once more. "No don't be sorry, Shirl.. just be strong and you'll make it through. and you are so utterly and completely worth my time, trust me. I'll be waiting for you don't worry. Nothing you say will make me change my mind. And i'm not expecting anything from you. It doesn't matter if all my waiting goes to waste. I know that my time will be well spent on you. Just remember that I'm here for you no matter how long that may be."

"Can I ask when did you realise?"

"Not long after Brian's party. I realised I had feelings for you when I couldn't stop thinking about you. And there was something special about you the frist time I saw you at Brian's.. or rather at Marie's."

Another message arrived. This time, from Brian.
"Evelyn is not replying me again. I'm really worried about her. I think she's angry at me or something."

Staring at Brian's message, she could not help but break down into tears. Knowing Michael would always be waiting for her. Knowing Evelyn would ultimately be the only girl in Brian's life. Knowing that she could never truly be the girl for either of them.

Friday, April 14, 2006

picture time!

ok i SWEAR i was gonna post some pics.. but blogger decided NOT to cooperate!! sorry peeps! will gather the rest of the pictures before i post them.. which is i dont' know when.. but yeahh...

anyway... phew.. time has passed so fast yet so slowly this week... just realised that it has been a week since i blogged!

ok.. recounting the "moments"
monday - nyeh.. i don't remember much of monday.. except freaking out that i had yet to touch my econs book

tuesday - remembering that i had revised less that i actually needed to.. i woke up at 6 to open my econs book again.. however, it was so blardee freezing that i had to stay in the comforts of my duvet.. i flipped open the book.. flipped one page.. flipped two pages.. flipped to the third page.. and fell back asleep only to wake up at 35 past 7 thinking.. shit i'm gonna be late for school.. school was pretty much sucky as usual.. it ended with my econs test.. last this time.. i was pretty bummed out.. so i got back home.. stoned.. then watched.. everybody loves raymond.. stoned.. then watched american idol.. had dinner.. bathed.. watched charmed.. followed by house.. then stoned summore.. and was bumming around.. until bout 12 when i decided to start work.. first homework.. THEN my assessment booklet.. which kept me up until 4.. was online with xin as well.. and though it was ALREADY four.. i barely felt tired.. but had no choice but to go to sleep.. knowing that if i didn't.. i'd just die in school...

wednesday - i was pretty much a zombie in school.. and a freaking out zombie as well.. cos i was only halfway through my booklet and i needed to hand it in on the next day.. i was kinda awake all day.. but my brain was definitely not working at all.. thankfully.. since it was the last but one day.. most of my teachers were relaxed and not doin much. even my calculus teacher was like.. ahh its gonna be the holidays.. screw it.. lol! okay so he didn't ACTUALLY say screw it.. btu it was close enough!

thursday - last day yay!!! i finished my booklet in time to send it to my friend who was kind enough to print it for me.. he's always printing stuff for me.. i feel kinda bad.. hmm.. anyway.. first period was legal studies.. which we only watched a video.. and then there was stats.. where we played some "fun" probability games and ate chips and candy.. after that.. i decided that i could no longer stay in school.. esp since there was only one period left which was english.. so i just went home and bunked english.. damn.. there goes my record.. tainted just by bunking one class... nyehh.. now have to convince my aunt to write me a note.. but nahh.. she's cool..

hmm.. what else. o i got an excellence for the econs paper.. yippie!!! hahah.. its now a friday.. happy easter people! though its already 3 in the afternoon.. i'm still bummin around in my pjs.. nyeh.. need to be more productive than this!!

-to the world, you may be one person. but to one person, you may be the world-

Sunday, April 09, 2006

the end of sunday looms

its already halfway through sunday and as usual, i have successfully managed to get nothing done. which is really bad. cos i have

a) a whole bunch of probability exercises which i should have been doing throughout the week but I was too lazy and too caught up with my statistics assignment to do it.. so it has piled up throughout the week.. and on friday, she hinted that she wanted to check our homework on monday.. arghh.. i can't wait for thursday to come when we're gonna have pizza in stats class marking the end of term~

b) my legal studies assessment task which we are supposed to miraculously produce a booklet.. and it is worth 20% of my year end marks.. its due thursday... not good.. i don't wanna fuck that one up.. cos i don't think there is a resit for it.

c) wide reading report.. which is basically my two book review like thing.. argh..

d) an econs test which i MUST and NEED to study for.. the pressure of performing just as well if not better than the last test is really getting to me! *faints* which is on tuesday..

aarghh.. i should have known better than to procrastinate and stuff.. now i have a whole bunch waitin for me.. was rather unproductive yesterday.. spent it in my pjs basically doin close to nothing.. arghhh

slept at bout 1+.. i think it was due to the tea i was drinking during the day.. had a good ten cups or so.. so at 1+ i was still awake and operating on a sugar tea-high. not good. not good at all.

one more week to the holidays! i just simply cannot wait. or maybe i can.. with the test and the due dates.. i seriously think i need like 48 hours in a day...

i sincerely hope that vodafone decides to extend AGAIN their free text weekends offer!! its just totally awesome! since on a normal day.. a text is 20c... a total ripoff if you ask me.. so yeah.. free text weeeeekends are here to stay!! until june.. hopefully they extend it to dec or something.. i think i send just over 300 messages a weekend.. bad bad.. cos all i ever do is text and text and do nothing.. but heck.. isn't that what weekends are for? to do absolutely nothing.. now, i need to master the art of not feeling guilty afterwards... arghh

gonna go back to reading bridget jones' diary.. again.. its so very hilarious!!!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Dear Diary Episode 4

Dear Diary,
I will always remember the first time i met Brian. Outside, the weather was a soaring 30s. Inside, my heart was below negative. Once again, I had successfully managed to get my heart broken again by some idiot who said he loved me and promised me the world. As soon as he heard I was moving halfway across the country, he decided that there was no way our relationship could work out even before giving it a chance. So there I was, a new girl in town and working my ass off during summer. Working on that hot summer's day was seriously not something I needed but I had no choice. Brian walked into the surf shack as had every customer before this. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall behind the counter. Five more minutes to break-time. I was hoping Brian knew what he wanted, was just gonna grab it, check out and not delay my much needed break. Thankfully, God answered my prayers. As he paid for his stuff, he flashed a smile at me. But I just shrugged it off with annoyance. Walking out of the backdoor, I felt a pang of guilt come over me. I had no right to be venting my anger on a perfect stranger. Rounding the corner, I came upon a familiar smile. That perfect stranger was waiting for me, flashing his smile once again. This time, I could not help but break into a smile as well. The rest, as they say, is history. We bonded almost immediately. For everyday afterwards, Brian came to hang out at the surf shack during my break times. During other times, we would be texting each other endlessly. Otherwise, we'd be chatting online. We talked about anything and everything under the sun, sky, stars and moon. We were inseparable to say the least. Finding out that we would be attending the same high school was more than I could ever hope for. That was until term started and Evelyn came into the picture. Need I say more?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

one more hour to friday

at this point, i am starting wonder what if i just do not publish anymore dear diary posts, will my reader population immediately take the plummet of death right down to zero. i hope not... but no worries.. as promised i WILL publish episode 4.. most probably on saturday. i know i know for some of you, you might regard the whole dear diary post like a soap opera that is getting just a lil too soapy for your pallets. which is why i am here blogging about my life as normal.

yesterday, my dear angel turned 18. a happy belated birthday to angel. love you lotss!!

today, i had my calc common test. it was preddy okay. better than my stats one. but i guess only the results can really tell how well i did. hopefully it is up to expectations. also, i just finished my stats assessment task.. true to its name. it really IS a task... a pain in the arse if i should say so myself. the excel part was okay. it was the report that truly drove me up the wall and all around the ceiling. benjamin has been a big big help in helping me print out my assignment.. a big thanks goes to him.. too bad he doesnt read my blog.. i think...

life here is pretty much okayy.. other than the fact that i just had a guy swore a whole bunch at me for no good reason. guess he just needed to vent his anger. but still! he could have been nice enough to ask if he could swear at me before he started on his tirade.. oh wells..

not much in this post.. just wanted to post for the sake of keeping my blog alive.. so long readers!

-lets face the facts. love doesn't make the world go round. rotation does.-

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Dear Diary Episode 3

Dear Diary,
Today, I asked Brian if he and Evelyn were back together. He said no. He said that they were to remain strictly friends from now on. I should be happy right? But why is it I get the feeling he is still holding onto her.. not letting go.. its as if like he still likes her. He said that she fucked things up pretty badly this time. Yet it seems to me that he still loves her no matter what. What do i do, diary? Please tell me what to do. I don't know anymore.

My friends are getting concerned over this matter as well. Calvin and Xin Lee reckons I should not do anything bout it. Give it some time they say before deciding on the next course of action. That I shouldn't rush things. As for the rest, they totally want me to tell him how I really feel. They are on the verge of going up to him and telling him. The only thing that is holding them back is me pleading that they just leave the matter. I know they are concerned about me. And I appreciate their concern. But...

Then again, there's always Rachael whom I hear is very into him. She's really pretty and is basically the kinda girl all guys want.. What am I to her? Plus, she's always at his place since Marie owns the place.. Sigh.


Dear Diary,
He looked sad today. I asked him if he was still thinking about Evelyn. He said "do i ever stop? you know as well as i do that i cannot help the way i feel for her even though she hurts me so much."
My heart is breaking right in front of him and he wouldn't even know.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

V for Vendetta

"There are no coincidences. Merely illusions of a coincidence."

That's right. I went to watch V for Vendetta today. Awesome movie if I must say so myself. A definite must-watch movie of the year. Shall not say too much with regards to the show in case there are some of you who have yet to catch it. Go catch it in the cinema and no where else!! A definite plus for the fireworks, the blowing up of the London clock tower, the fact that they did not reveal how V looked like, AND the use of Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture.

The second thing is, announcing the return of the swashbuckling Captain Jack Sparrow to the big screen. No idea what I'm going on about? Well, Pirates of the Carribean 2 is coming soon!!! Must go watch that when it comes out.. Can never get over how good Johnny Depp looks in that movie. *melts* The use of the original cast bodes well to say the least. That only means one thing.. girls are once again going to swoon over a scruffy Orlando Bloom and guys over a digitally enhanced Kiera Knightly. (or however you spell that name of hers). The melting and swooning has only just begun!

X-Men 3 is also returning to the cinemas some time soon. The trailer looks pretty good but I don't think I would go for it. For a start, its like 11.50 a movie!! Need I say more? Another movie I would definitely NOT go for would be Superman. It looks corny. Period.

I have had some VERY interesting comments come back to me with regards to the story of "Dear Diary". Mostly of two ends which could not be more opposing. The first that Shirley should confess to Brian with regards to her feelings immediately. The second being that Shirley should definitely not tell Brian anything. Not for the moment at least. But one thing is for sure, it really is starting to become like Days of Our Lives.. hahaha...

"Remember remember the fifth of November"