Thursday, May 31, 2007

Laws 101 First Essay 2007

ohmytian. how did i manage that?!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Sweet, Sweet Lies

My disappointments never seem to cease. Be it with the people I loved, the life I have, and most of all myself.

Your sweet sweet lies, they cut so deep. All that it has left is a bitter taste inside of me.

There are so many things I would do differently if I could turn back time, yet all the same, I would have done it no differently if I did.

I told myself, I could transcend everything that has happened, put it all behind me and start all over. But maybe not.

I read your mind like an open book. All the things you don't do, all the things you don't say. They are even clearer to me than the ones you do.

Maybe she was right, with some, second and last chances are just never enough. They throw it all away.

I bleed just a little more everyday.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Expectations begets Disappointments

In the course of this year, being 2007, I have learnt quite a few things that will most likely come in handy in my years to come.

One of these many things is that expectations begets disappointments. Therefore, to avoid disappointment, just avoid expectations at all costs! Easy as nuts. A + B = C. Therefore, to avoid C, avoid A and B altogether!

And once you have learnt to forgo expectations when it comes to people close to you, or things you hold dear in your life, no matter what that person does, or no matter what happens, you will not be disappointed at all.

Hence, indifference and apathy is the key. Not knowing, not caring, not expecting. Simple, no?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Didn't we almost have it all?

Once again, you tell me that you are hurting because of her. Leaving me here with the question of what to do. It has always been that I knew I would still be with you no matter what. But this time? This time its different. This time I'm at a loss and for once...

And so, you've done it again. You have managed to break my heart in the exact same manner as you did before. Then, I told myself this would be the last chance. Yet why is it then when it does happen, I find myself hesitating to end it?

I love you so much Vincent but at the same time, it hurts so much too. What exactly do you want me to do? Give you another chance and pretend everything is okay? End this now and start reeling from the pain of losing you?

They told me that if it didn't hurt it wouldn't be love. But they never said exactly how much.

Didn't we almost have it all?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Rainy Days, Shitty Days.

Its not exactly rainy out there in the big bad world. Its gloomy, very. I woke up from my one hour plus nap just to find that the world from outside the window which i left all sunny and bright has now turned dark and gloomy. Just like how it is inside of me. Dark and gloomy.

Not to be misinterpreted that I am emo-ing once again (though this seems most likely), I am merely having a shitty day. Not to say that I had crappy things happen to me either though. Its just one of those days where you just don't want to do anything. Getting out of bed - the worse thing to happen ever. So yes, I endured three hours of painful and boring lectures fuelled by the fact that Anisa isn't there to keep me company. Texting did nothing to help alleviate the pain.

Ten minutes to two, a flutter of hope sprang from inside of me thinking that maybe once lectures were over and done with, I'd feel much better. But no, 3 hours later I still feel like utter bullshit.

Its days like this when all I want to do is just be in bed and not have to worry about anything at all. However, that is not reality. Insurance claims are yelling to be sorted out, with the people at the insurance place being of no help whatsoever. Assignments with looming duedates. Readings stacked inches high collecting dust. A bank balance and accounts book which are plunging into the depths of debt by the minute. Just what I need.

Can life get any worse or is it just the emo me speaking? There is no reason for me to be emo though.

All I want is to be left alone, but at the same time have someone just sitting beside me not saying a word. I miss my friends who understand me like that. We just enjoy each other's company in silence. Not a word need be said. Not a thing need be done. All that is needed is her company. I miss that.

I'm a confused little girl. Maybe I am emoing after all.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


Levi's Jeans//Gothic Clothing//Kilt Mini Skirt//Leather Mini Skirt//Ankle Socks//Black Tights//Another Pair of Chuck Taylors//Black Leather Ankle Boots//Black Stripey Heels//Cartilage Piercing//Tommy Hilfiger True Star Women EDT//DKNY Be Delicious Red Women EDT//Gucci Envy Me Women EDT//Nightwish Albums//Evanescence's Fallen Album//Silje Nergaard's Port of Call Album//The Beetlejuice DVD//Sony T9@T10 Digital Camera//Altec Lansing@Logitech Speakers for my Ipod//A new handphone//M&Ms Candy Dispenser//FUCKING FLYING COLOURS FOR MY RESULTS SO I CAN GET INTO SECOND YEAR LAW

Looking at my wishlist, one might think that I am one THE MOST spoilt materialistic brat that could have ever lived. But really, all I want this Christmas (yes - its only May, I'm not losing it) is to be with my family and all my BFFs. You guys are dearly missed. Honestly honestly. Seriously. And that - is all I really want this year.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Last Chapter.

And so, people were expecting a happily ever after. Somewhat. The faint sounds of wedding bells chime from afar. But no, this happily ever after was not to be. Some said it was fate. Some said it was destiny. Some said it was just a matter of time.

"Why?" He cried. "Why can't we just give it one last chance? You and I know we are so much more than this, this, this obstacle! We just have to work our way around it." He pleaded.

"I'm sorry, my love. I don't have a choice. Some things are just beyond my control. This is just the way it is. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together." She said, holding back the tears.

And so, this happily ever after ends here. Not so happy after all. But isn't that what life is all about? Broken and could have been happily ever afters. One after another.

She cries just a little bit more.
Just another sad sad post for a sad sad day.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


That has to be one of the saddest movies I have ever watched. Either that or the movie has some magicks in it that stimulates and aggravates my tear ducts! I have watched the movie four times! FOUR FREAKING TIMES!!!! (see, there's even four exclamation marks to reiterate my point)
Back to my point, I've watched the movie four times and each time I end up in tears. Think uncontrollable streams of tears usually accompanied by swollen eyes, stuffed nose and lots of damp tissue. The first time I watched it was in the angel's tv room. Angel, Xin and me emerged from the pitch black room eyes swollen, nose stuffed and a very nasal noise no doubt from bawling our eyes out for over an hour. We didn't stop crying!!!
Anyway, yes, to you guys out there who love sad sappy love stories and are wanting a good cry, I recommend watching Windstruck. I know I will again someday.
Much props to Dennis who gave me one of the songs from the soundtrack, (even before I saw the movie). Swear to God, even the first time hearing the full soundtrack got me tearing.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

upcoming Economics test


Sunday, May 06, 2007

Great Walls of China

We all have walls around us. Walls we build to keep people out of the most intimate details of our lives. Just to protect ourselves. Just so we don't get hurt. But every once and again, someone comes along and manages to break down that wall we build. And we, knowing that that person was good enough to break down that wall we build, let that person into our lives. To share our lives with us. To know when we hurt, why we hurt. To know when we are happy. To share every single emotion known to man. To know our deepest, darkest secret. To know our most intimate details. We let them explore the depths of our souls. We give our hearts to them, knowing that they would protect it with their lives. We let them in and we let our guards down because we know that whatever happens, they are there for us.But, every once and again, they do something. To betray us. To make us regret we ever let our guards down. To break our hearts. To hurt us in the most cruel way possible. And its not only because of what they did. Most importantly its because of who they are to us in our lives.. That they, of all people, who should have known better, went ahead and did it anyway. That hurts. And so, we start building our walls around us again. Hoping to never get hurt.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Denny Crane

I suggest you take up yoga classes to attain the necessary flexibility to stick your head up your arse.

Psychiatrist to Denny Crane.

Some people. They just never learn to shut up.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Just a Victim of My Emotions

I should keep myself away from moody and emo people.
Really, I should. Especially since I get affected so easily.
After hanging up with Michael, I find myself thinking. Maybe I'm not so strong after all.
I keep telling myself that I don't care. And on most days, I really don't. Indifference is the key. I just don't care anymore.
But on days like this? Its definitely a case of it being easier said than done. I do care after all.
On days like this? I really do hate myself for having saint like tolerance. It would be so much easier letting go - but at the same time many more times the hurt as well.
Like my aunt said, I'm a simple girl. Even a simple subway meal is enough to keep me happy for several hours.
All I ever wanted was someone to call my own. I deserve that. Its selfish I know but that comes with love.
Do I only mean that much to you? All the past, the memories, the history. It all boils down to this.
I finally understand.
You've taught me. You've taught me well. I won't err again. I owe that to myself.
I wish you a good life.

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it.

Days Like This

Today is one of those days.
One of those days when you wake up and although your body is screaming out to you to fall back into bed, you go ahead and do the exact opposite.
You get up and go about your usual business.
And bam.
It hits you.
You feel sick to your stomach.
You stop to take a breather and your body takes over, rendering you impossible to move. Even in the slightest.
Today is one of those days.
I should have never gotten up and out of bed.
Cos now I feel sick. As sick as I will ever be.
Sigh. This is not looking good. Not looking good at all. Especially with my 2000 word essay due this Friday then my Statistics assignment and Econs test Tuesday.
Gloomy shitty days of May.