this is driving me insane

i love my mum very much..

but sometimes, she just really drives me up the wall.. and its times like this that i really hate her

like how she is currently treating like a 5 year old.. she thinks i'm not even mature enough to handle a microwave oven. or the fact that when my aunt said that i could try flatting in my second year, she immediately said that i am not mature enough.

number two. she just keeps going on about how i should do medicine since i have the qualifications to do so. but she just doesn't see the point that i am not interested. thats where the money is, she says. you will never be out of a job, she says. or if you don't wanna do medicine and earn a lot of money.. marry rich. first she tells me not to have a boyfriend THEN she tells me to marry rich. why can't she see the point that there is money to be made in wedding planning too! sometimes, i think that i really should just do whatever it is that they want me to do just so that they will shut up.

i wanna cry. really i do. all of this is just building up inside of me.. and i swear to god, one day i will just explode or something will happen. and when that day comes, please don't blame me. i'm merely a victim who wants to take the easy way out.

resolution july 06

i know i know its a lil weird to have a resolution list in the middle of the year..

but after doing some reflecting (read:sorting out my bank account balance and staying up till 5 this morning tryin to finish my work) i have decided that i need a lil revamp on my life if i wanna get out of this year alive.

1. spend minimal money (formal not accounted for.... shit! just rmbrd tix is 40) since after sorting out my accounts, i have come to realise i have been somewhat overspending and am a lil short on cash. not a good sign. okay maybe not a little. make it A LOT.

2. lose weight in order to fit into my 80 dollar army print pants. seriously. just over a period of two weeks, my pants is tight. not a good sign at all. in fact, i am actually sick of eating.

3. work my ass off for term 3 and for crying out loud NOT procrastinate my fucking work anymore.

4. go easy on the coffee. a cup a day ought to do it. well, depending on what time that first cup is.

5. walk back from school everyday and not buy anymore ice cream. well, that would work! i would save money AND get to lose weight.. but if someone was to buy me ice cream, well, that would be a different story.

shouldn't be too hard now should it? i hope not.. esp the money.. i really have to keep spending to a minimal.. otherwise i'd be dead duck..

one a.m. mindless rambles

this is UTTERLY DEPRESSING! IT IS THE EPITOME OF DEPRESSION!!

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! I SWEAR TO GOD..

MY EIGHTY DOLLAR PANTS ARE TIGHT!!!

OH GOD... MIGHTY LORD HELP!!!!

I NEED TO STOP EATING!

the end.. it beckons!

not quite sure if i wanna say its only tuesday.. or that it is already tuesday..

this holidays have been the epitome of unproductiveness..

still have yet to touch my internals.. not good..

nor have i sorted out any of my stuff..

or gotten my dress for formal..

oh wells..

the only good thing that came out of this hols is that i was able to hang out and catch up with my buddies..

not to mention high speed unlimited wireless broadband...

ahh.. you have no idea how deprived i am..

yet in a coupla days.. i am going back to that deprivation..

winter sweet winter..

ooh.. gonna let hueiyin stick her cam in my face as well when i get back.. not gonna take up her offer on the free cookie though..

gonna miss my friends loads.. hmmm...

thank u so much you guys for makin the trip down! you have no idea how happy i was that you guys made it!!! =)

oh and to ven and apu.. good luck with your performance on saturday.. sorry i won't be able to see you guys perform ae.. and that i didn't get to see you guys this time around.. next time!

okayy.. gonna go sleep or something..

cassie signing out!

here without you

a hundred days had made me older
since the last time that i saw your pretty face
a thousand lights made me colder
and i don't think i can look at this the same
but all the miles had separate
they disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face
i'n here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it's only you and me
the miles just keep rolling
as the people either way to say hello
i've heard this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go
everything i know
and anywhere i go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
and when the last one falls
when it's all said and done
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
i'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, its only you and me

-three doors down-

beautiful disaster

i think you can just about tell how bored i am.. but ehh... decided to post the lyrics of this song by kelly clarkson.. celine is totally addicted to it now and i can definitely relate.. when i first heard it, i was also hooked onto it.. the lyrics are just well.. beautiful! enjoy ;)

he drowns in his dreams
an exquisitie extreme i know
he's as damned as he seems
and more heaven than a heart could hold
and if i try to save him
my whole world would cave in
it just ain't right
it just ain't right
oh and i don't know
i don't know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if i could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
wouldn't it beautiful
just a beautiful disaster
his magic and myth
as strong as what i believe
a tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see
but do i try to change him
so hard not to blame him
hold on tight
baby hold me tight
oh and i don't know
i don't know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if i could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
wouldn't it be beautiful
just a beautiful disaster
i'm longing for love and the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
i'm searching for some kind of miracle
waiting so long
he's soft to the touch
but frayed at the end he breaks
he's never enough
but still leaves more than i can take
oh and i don't know
i don't know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
and if i could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
wouldn't it be beautiful
just a beautiful disaster

its depressing when..

its depressing when you go through 2 malls in a day.. which is what celine and i did yesterday.. we walked BOTH pp and cs in search for my stupid elusive frock.. i swear to god the world or at least the malls are against me.. no decent formal gown in sight.. how can this be??? can i just not go and just go for the after party? lol!

its depressing when after only 7 hours of sleep.. you get up wide awake and ready to go.. though your mind is still in asleep mode.. which is what happened today.. i went to sleep at 4.. and woke up at 11.. though i wanted to get up at like 1.. and so now.. after reading a short email which didn't quite answer ANY of my questions.. i am here blogging..

its depressing when the one time you need to talk to someone.. anyone.. no one's around.. no one i wanna talk to anyway.. but ehh..

can't wait till friday till i see you gurls again.. miss you lotss!!!

i think i've posted this song quite a few times.. but i can't help it.. its an awesome song.. was looking for the movie yesterday... but they didn't have it.. sucks!

and i'd give up forever to touch you
cos i know that i'd feel you somehow
you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i don't wanna go home right now
and all i can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
and sooner or later its over
i just don't wanna miss you tonight
and i don't want the world to see me
cos i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am
and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in the lies
so when everything feels like the movies
yeah you'll bleed just to know you're alive
and i don't wnat the world to see me
cos i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
i just want you to know who i am
-iris-
-goo goo dolls-

xoxomissinyouxoxo

xoxoixoxomxoxoixoxosxoxosxoxoyxoxooxoxouxoxodxoxolxoxooxoxotxoxosxoxo
xoxodxoxoexoxoaxoxorxoxo


never mind if all those letters didn't make sense to you..

i am back in jb people! and since the moment i got back, it has been action non stop.. i have been out and about ever since!! heh!

as i mentioned in the previous post, my dear angel came to pick me at the airport together with my grandma, mum and bro! was up till 2+ that night which is 6+ kiwi time..

then on friday morning, i was up at an unearthly hour of 9ish as i was due to go into school with celine.. there, we met up with jayne!!! and a whole bunch of other teachers and juniors.. it was indeed nice to see people like mrs koo and godmama.. godmama especially.. her expression was priceless! she was so shocked and at the same time very happy to see me!! hehehe.. really love her to bits and pieces.. she is the most amazing and dedicated teacher i have ever had.. after which we, being me, celine and jayne headed into cs... met up with a coupla others.. hung out there.. then headed into pp for a while.. got back home at 6ish thanks to mama chu!

today was a great day as i got to catch up with weiyi and jayne as well as celine during lunch! had a deep talk with weiyi after jayne left.. though i only got to see weiyi for that coupla hours.. it was really good! i do wish that i could spend more time with her but we both know that that was not possible.. and the next time i see her is in dec.. sighh... but thanks wy for coming down! loadsa love wy!

after which i had a family dinner in danga bay.. then we went for ice cream at modestos! god... i've been putting on so much weight. i really oughta try to shed the pounds and try to stop eating so much.. ishh.. guess its gonna be another long day tmr.. but ehh.. need to get started on my work soon as well..


xoxomxoxoixoxosxoxosxoxoixoxonxoxogxoxoyxoxooxoxouxoxo