the C word

no.. it wasn't a typo..
yes.. you read the title right..
no.. your eyes aren't deceiving you..
yes.. the title reads "the C word"..
what "C" word you ask?
actually, there's two to it.. casual and commitment..
getting a clue as to where this post is heading?
do i HAVE to spell it out?
fine fine.. oh wells.. r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p-s
casual relationships and commitment relationships.. safe to say.. these two are like worlds apart.. and yet they start with the same letter.. life i tell you
don't even start to ask me why i'm talkin bout this actually cos i have no idea.. just a random topic that came to mind..
anyway.. back the c word/s

is casual the way to go when all else fails? all else being the fact that you have been trying shit hard to find a boyfriend, who is willing to stay committed to a relationship, for centuries but have failed to do so simply because guys are afraid of commitment.. and no.. don't get me wrong. i'm not sayin ALL guys.. just a few in general.. i mean.. look at it this way.. in a casual relationship.. there are no strings attached.. you can flirt all you want with other guys/girls and they simply can't blame you for it... cos heck.. they are probably sure as hell banging other guys/girls as well..

but of course on the other side of things, you must also understand that while being with you, your guy/girl has the right to be seeing someone else at the same time.. hopefully casual as well.. so that if the other party finds out about you, you don't have to worry about someone stalkin you or tryin to hunt you down just so you will get your paws off "their" partner..cos surely you don't wanna be labeled as the third party when all you wanted was just some fun! purely based on a amicable agreement of a casual relationship..

oh and the teeny weeny fact that YOU of all people, who opted for a casual in the first place, must NOT get jealous if your casual partner starts seeing someone else as well... jealousy rears an ugly face THAT'S for sure.. can you handle the heat? having to see the person you are going out with go out with someone else at the same time?

then there's the commitment relationships.. the exclusive one on one relationships..but my question comes down to this.. if your bf/gf has a change of heart while going out with you.. could you really blame him/her? and what happens if YOU are the one with the change of heart? either way.. there's surely gonna be heartbreak.. and drama.. and the works.. sure.. in an exclusive relationship.. you're not supposed to be seeing someone else.. but what if your gf/bf is banging someone else at the same behind your back.. without your knowledge.. it still comes down to heartbreak...

it all boils down to this.. after centuries and millions of couples getting together and breaking up and shit.. is casual the way to go unless you are 101% sure that he/she is THE ONE? hmmm...

btw.. i know this is completely out of the topic and all.. but i just realised that THERE IS NO HERSHEYS IN NEW ZEALAND.. i don't know why i have never noticed it before.. but it just hit me.. i swear to god.. i haven't seen a single hersheys since i got here.. or maybe i'm just not observant enough.. cos the other day we were talkin bout chocolates in english class.. then my american friend was like.. oh have you guys tried hersheys kisses.. and the rest were like.. what on earth is that? i was the only one apart from her who knew what she was going on.. this is worrying.. how can they NOT have hersheys kisses here? i sooo miss suckin on them.. okay that sounded damn wrong.. but yeah you get that

exams can kiss my ass

hmm..talk bout teen angst.. but you get that..
ANYWAY.. i am back people! recharged! rejuvenated! re... generated??? okok.. core of the matter being.. i am back to blogging.. my writer's block decided to make itself scarce.. but most importantly.. mid year exams are sooo over!! though i must admit that i think i did pretty badly on it..

for a start, i pretty much wrote 2 hours of plain crap in my english paper.. so much so i'm sure she will either cry reading my bleedin pathetic paper.. OR she will fall off her chair laughing at my nonsensical ideas..

for the life of me, i have no idea why the econs paper is always so long! what the hell are they tryin to do? write us to death?!? even reza *the best and most probably smartest econs student in the form* sitting beside me, finished the paper 5 minutes before the paper ended.. if even HE JUST finished the paper in the nick of time, what more us??? sometimes, you'd really wish the teachers had to sit down and do the paper together with us as well.. before they finally realise how long the bloody sodding paper is!

stats was undoubtedly better than the last time.. but there were still one or two confusing bits.. sure as hell hope i do much better in the stats paper.. its my only hope! *mandy moore's only hope starts to play in the background* damnn that was random..

ok next up.. calc? wtf!!! it was so damned difficult.. as i sat at my place and flipped my paper, i saw my marks fly out of the window.. i am being totally serious.. i mean.. what the hell is a double root? cos sure as hell my teacher didn't teach that... i should know.. im always awake during calc.. and i've never missed a single class.. he had better have a good explanation as to why the paper was really beyond comprehension!

well, today the 7th formers have study leave.. with exception for those who have exams.. which explains why i'm sitting here blogging on a friday afternoon.. supposed to go out with joanna and the few of them to celebrate sam's birthday.. but so far, jo hasn't replied me.. so yeah.. gotta see how that goes.. thats bout it i guess.. laterz!

writer's blog block

Dear readers of castalnetta.blogspot,

We regret to inform you that the owner of this blog is suffering from a severe writer's block and has been rendered incapable of producing any decent posts off late as some of you might have noticed. This may be due to the overwhelming workload, imminent exams, an indefinite leave on the muse's part and most of all the apparent lack of a life. After six rejected drafts which she attempted to pass off as a post but really was what the editor thought as merely a jumble of words strung together, she has decided to take a break from writing. It is indeed a very devastating situation. She claims that "words are beyond her and that her mind is filled with nothing-ness". We, the team are working round the clock to ensure the safe return of the owner to this space. Maintenance and repair works are underway in several different areas of her mind. In the mean time, the editor of this blog would like to extend her eternal gratefulness to the loyal readers of this blog.

Warmest regards,
Editor.

calculus! at 11 pm! someone slap me please

yes.. i am doin calculus homework on a saturday night..
i think that in itself is enough to explain exactly how much homework i have got...
or the fact that i haven't been doin my work lately thus resulting in me sloggin my ass off now..
just a bit over a week before my mid years start.. oh shit oh shit oh shit.. have not touched my books at all.. as usual..
anyway.. i have to STOP playing last card (a game basically like uno only instead of using uno cards, we use poker cards) durin my study periods.. hahah.. especially when what i really needed to be doin was homework.. namely stupid stats.. arghh.. but its just so tempting! i haven't played it for so long.. speaking of which, when i played on friday morning.. i won playing against seven of the guys.. and i didn't have to pick up a single card! woohoo!! hahah..
another note to self.. i really should not drink coffee after dinner or something.. usually when i drink coffee, it has no effect whatsoever on me.. but on wednesday night when i decided i needed a hot drink.. and went on to make a cuppa.. it kept me up till 2.30 in the morning!! that was insane.. so when i was in school on thursday, i was functioning on less than 5 hours of sleep.. plus all that caffeine running through my system, i was literally delirious and high.. not very good...
episode 7.. i should get workin on that as well ae.. but nyeh.. i've been so busy..and my muse decided to go on strike for no apparent reason.. ah wells.. sorry peeps!
this is about it for today.. gonna get back to workin on my calc.. maybe econs after this?
its a saturday night.. nearly half past eleven.. and here i am doin calculus work.. someone slap some sense into me please?!
on a lighter note, i'm heading into town tomorrow with yi lin.. though the weather forecast looks like crap.. oh wells.. can't quite care.. we have been puttin off this trip thanks to the weather for long enough!!

the one where she turns seventeen

since this post is dedicated to her, i thought, what the heck, the title should be as she likes it as well.. or at least the way she does it in her blog..
anyway... today, 8th may 2006 is the day one of my bestest best friends turn 17..
give a round of applause for xin!!!
and the usual...

happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to xin yuuuuuuu....
happy birthday to youuuuuuuuu....

and now for the well wishes,
now that we're so far apart, xin, i sincerely hope that you take the utmost care of yourself.. and that you will be in good hands (zv).. all the best in your endeavours for the year.. and may only the best be in store for you this year.. may all your dreams and wishes come true...
and come what may, know that i will always be here for you
love you lots and missing you always =)

yours always
-fangi-

i just don't get it

its a sunday morning. 1 am. staring at my calc book. and i am pissed. very.
i don't get it really.. i just don't..
why do they even bother telling me to decide for myself when in the end either they say no or end up not being particularly keen or supportive or they play the emoblackmail card..
first one puts the idea of uk into my head.. then the other isn't exactly very keen but tells me to go check it out if i really want to.., but goes onto say that it would be good enough if i just stay where i am.. why don't they just decide my whole life for me instead of making it seem like they are allowing me to decide but are actually really manipulating me into living my life they want me to..
i mean THEY went to uk without their parents... HE went to uk without them.. so why can't I go? it is NOT fair. its just fucking unfair..
i know its not going to cheap.. i swear i know.. and i know im being selfish and very wilful but if HE could go why can't i?
i know stayin with her is good but why can't i stay somewhere where i get total freedom and independence?! then maybe i would ACTUALLY bother to learn to cook.. isn't that what they always want? for me to be fucking independent.. then they say noo... what the fuck is up with that?
and im fucking pissed.
and now i'm fucking crying.

rum & raisin

third post of today.. haha.. talk about spam blogging.. ANYWAY i had ice cream AGAIN today all thanks to joanna!! she shouted us all ice cream today.. yay!! threeeee cheers to joanna.. and i took chcolate, as well as rum&raisin.. i'm not complaining or anything but i think that haagen daaz's rum&raisin is still the best.. hehe

talk about freaky.. today over dinner, joanna was telling me bout this korean music video bout this girl and a photographer falling in love.. and how he donated his eyes to the girl bla bla bla.. and xin posted THE EXACT SAME VIDEO jo was talkin bout today... erghh.. talk bout freaky.. but it was really sad that vid.. just like jay's feng.. but jay's one was more sad :(

anyway, uni next year.. what am i going to do bout it? stay in nz? move over to melbourne u? pay a heck load and get into lse? i don't know! i don't even know what i wanna do! i mean.. im not exactly VERY interested in anything at all!! i'm only 17!! how am i supposed to know what i wanna be doin for the rest of my life? heck.. i don't even know what im going to be doing tmr.. wht more 20 years down the road.. arghh.. hate this

i swear to god i need to stop making so much noise in stats.. today, ms smith threatened to separate me and vinny.. but really.. that would be useless simply because we would end up shouting halfway across the classroom.. and as lin pointed out in my tagboard.. i think the whole class must have heard me going on and on about how i needed ice cream.. haha.. see? i talk and make too much noise in stats.. need to learn to control...

and last but not least.. just a final birthday wish for tasha.. happy birthday to you dear... love you lots and lots! and to the rest of you BFFs out there.. take care and miss you guys lots! mwax!!

maturity doesn't come with age

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I WOULD WANNA BE FIVE YEARS OLD AND DON'T EVER WANNA GROW UP (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. you can have ice cream stains all over your clothes and people will still think you are cute.

2. you can scream, cry, kick up a fuss and no one would show you the finger.

3. scraped knees are always better than broken hearts.

4. life revolved around who gets to play on the swing or in the sand pit.

5. you don't have to worry about your waistline even after a whole tub of ice cream.

6. playtime has an allocated time slot in your day.

7. wardrobe malfunctions are actually allowed and excused.

8. money was never a thing you would give a damn about. it was always about legos, barbies, and play doh

9. you can't be blamed for acting like a child.

10. ignoring a person was as simple as "i don't want to friend you anymore."

happy birthday tasha

exactly 18 years ago today, a girl by the name natasha lim was received into this world.. (wahhh english so chim) hahaha.. ok ANYWAY.. its one of my BFF's birthday today!!!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to tashaaaaaaa
happy birthfday to youuuuuuu

to my dearest tasha who has turned 18 today, knowing that you are legal now, please do not try anything funny.. hehehe.. you know what i mean..best wishes for you this year and may everyday be better than the last! sorry i couldn't make it for your birthday, but i promise i will somehow make it up to you.. love you and missing you always..

yours always
fangi

why the hell

why the hell am i puttin on so much weight?!
as it is.. i'm walking back from school everyday which is like a half an hour walk EVERYDAY well.. most days anyway.. and its VERY rare that i don't mind you..
and im trying very hard to cut down on my food intake..
but noooooo i'm still putting on weight.. this is frustrating...

weight issues aside.. its a thursday today and i decided to give myself a treat of ice cream.. boy was i spoilt for choice.. i had to choose between chocolate, green apple, bailey hazelnut and rum&raisin.. today, i went along with chocolate and green apple.. a very weird combination i know.. but i just love sorbet ice creams! they are so cold and sour.. hehe.. but the next time.. heck! i am sooo gonna go for bailey hazelnut with rum&raisin..

i simply for the life of me cannot make decisions.. not that today is the first time i have come to realise it.. but really.. its starting to get on my nerves! why do we have to make so many decisions all the time? i just don't get it.. why can't i have the best of both worlds huh huh huh..

and quit asking me what i wanna be when i grow up..
cos heck! whoever said i wanted to grow up in the first place?!
i am damn contented being this age now!!!
i don't want to have to choose between uk, aussie or kiwi.. hmph.. i hate having to make decisions..
heck... i can't even decide if i wanna go back to msia for the holidays.. blek...

life is absurd. you and me? we're just a small part in this whole absurdity.

need to breathe!

after ice skating on saturday afternoon, me and the riccarton gang took a one hour walk into town and headed into osaka (a jap restaurant obviously) for dinner.. nine bucks for one big bowl of teriyaki chicken rice and unlimited miso soup!
my "finished" bowl of teriyaki chicken rice...


charlotte's finished bowl of teriyaki chicken rice.. says A LOT about me and my habit of wasting food.. i TRY not to really! but with me puttin on so much weight.. and the restaurants here serving a more than generous proportion of food.. it just can't be helped!


after dinner, ken drove the three of us (the rest went with adeline) down to the westpac centre where there was this youth christian thing with greg laurie as a speaker.. live bands.. tonnes of teens.. and a pretty funny message

the throng of people flooding the westpac centre.. the crowd was insane!


a lil something less insane, more formal and so intense, you could slice the tension into half! i went to court today.. sneaked a coupla pictures from the public gallery which was upstairs.. was watching a murder trial!

one of the three witnesses today presenting evidence to the court..


i do beg your pardon for not updating this any sooner. truth be told, i'm still up to my eyeballs with work.. but i've been dying to update this blog of mine.. anyhow, i'm just gonna post some pics and hopefully when friday night rolls around, i will actually have energy to blog about my week and days out and stuff!