i just don't get it

its a sunday morning. 1 am. staring at my calc book. and i am pissed. very.
i don't get it really.. i just don't..
why do they even bother telling me to decide for myself when in the end either they say no or end up not being particularly keen or supportive or they play the emoblackmail card..
first one puts the idea of uk into my head.. then the other isn't exactly very keen but tells me to go check it out if i really want to.., but goes onto say that it would be good enough if i just stay where i am.. why don't they just decide my whole life for me instead of making it seem like they are allowing me to decide but are actually really manipulating me into living my life they want me to..
i mean THEY went to uk without their parents... HE went to uk without them.. so why can't I go? it is NOT fair. its just fucking unfair..
i know its not going to cheap.. i swear i know.. and i know im being selfish and very wilful but if HE could go why can't i?
i know stayin with her is good but why can't i stay somewhere where i get total freedom and independence?! then maybe i would ACTUALLY bother to learn to cook.. isn't that what they always want? for me to be fucking independent.. then they say noo... what the fuck is up with that?
and im fucking pissed.
and now i'm fucking crying.