the chi

where oh where can my chiiiiiii beeeeee
oh where oh where can it beeeeee?????


here i am, all geared up to get into my law essay. but the words.. they escape my fingers. the flow, its flowing everywhere but where its supposed to be. there is just no coherence between my sentences. its like.. one minute i'm talking in french about coffee cultures. the next minute, i'm talking in greek about criminal law. then there is the pig latin bit about britney spears. there is no chi in my sentences. they're just all over the place.. its like what weiyi said.. "individually, the sentences are fine. but.." i rest my case. my law essay? i'm screwed for that. g double r.

Linger

Were you lying all the time?
Was I just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Did you have to let it linger?
Did you have to? Did you have to?
Did you have to linger?

Linger - The Cranberries


Such is the power of love. We put our heart out there for the one we love knowing we will get hurt. When that person comes along, we just brace ourselves and hope for the best. Hope that he/she will love us enough not to break it. But the inevitable happens. Our hearts get broken. But it's okay. All because we love them. So we take back the pieces, mend it up, and put it out again for the next person who comes along. Knowing full well we will get it broken again. Knowing that we will get hurt. But we don't care. We just do it anyway. After all, if it doesn't hurt, its not love. Right?

of dreams (the sequel)

They say that dreams are a way of our subconscious talking to us.

Last night, I had a very weird dream. It was not abnormal weird kind of weird. It was weird in the sense that it felt like my subconscious was really talking SCREAMING out to me, wanting me to hear it for once. To put everything, absolutely everything aside, and just for once listen.

I was alone in the world where absolutely no one knew me. No BFFs to talk to. Family wasn't there for me anymore. Boyfriend left me. For someone who has been surrounded by so many people who loved me and whom I loved, I should feel really alone, neglected, solitude, unwanted, unloved, un-everything. But no. Surprisingly, no. To the contrary, I felt at peace with myself. I felt a sense of calm come over me. It was the whole works. Peaceful, serenity, calm, at ease. I did not mind it at all. I found it strangely comforting. It was nice.

And then, I woke up. Back to the world where I belonged to. A world where there are people who love me, care for me, worry about me. I am alone no more.

I cut myself.
Blood rushes through my veins from inside my body and overflows onto the table.
I feel adrenaline pumping through me.
I feel pain.
But pain is good.
Pain is what I want.
It takes my mind off from my heart and onto my wrist.
And I cut myself again.

i. am. fine.

Soooooo, I MIGHT sound like I am in denial. But I am not. Trust me - I am not in denial. If anything I am in perfect control of it. Everything's fine. My life is dandy. I am with a great guy. Uni is amazing. I have amazing friends. Family is all I could ever ask for. So yeah, I am all happy and fine. And if anyone asks, I am fine. Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Yvonne is living happily ever after in her perfect little world.

Why the sudden change?
Because.
Because I am sick and tired.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Its nauseating seeing myself constantly ranting and whining and complaining to the people around me about how fucked up my life is.
Its sickening listening to myself go on and on and on about the same thing over and over again day after day time after time.
Its annoying.
Like I said, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If I was someone listening to me, I would slap me. Seriously!

So yeah. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm just fine. Candy dandy fine.

F.I.N.E. - fine

fine [fahyn] adjective - healthy; well.

there we go, I am fine. =)

one tequila, two tequila, three tequila... floor!

last night, the asian clubs of uc (university of canterbury) organised a dance party.. called havoc...
and of course, yours truly attended with absolutely NO intention of getting drunk but ended up anyway.

attendees were mostly asians with a sprinkle or two of kiwis.. supposedly 400 tickets were sold.. but im quite sure there weren't 400 people there..

first round of drinks were free.. and my first drink for the night was a tequila shot..

second round of drinks were allen's treat.. yet another shot of tequila..

i went inside for a dance with shing yee and some of the girls, and when i came out.. there it was.. sitting on the table.. another round of tequila shots.. courtesy of.. courtesy of im not sure who.. francesco maybe? yeah i think so..

three shots and i was done for the night.. the guys kept going but rtds/alcopops make me sick.. and so does beer...

and so, i was happily sitting there in my own world zoning out and trying not to fall asleep..

until 1ish came along and it was time for us to go get some food.. THAT was when trouble started.. i managed to walk out of the club.. with my hands steady on thomas's shoulders.. got out of the club.. looked about.. took a deep breathe.. didnt feel too good.. ran across the road to the grassy patch and threw up. three times. i think? one for each shot. hahaha..

oh wells, at LEAST i did not hit the floor.. only had a very very VERY heavy head afterwards.. and managed to catch NO sleep at all until 6 in the morning.. nice! weird thing was that i managed to get over my hangover BEFORE i fell asleep.. which was good..

all in all a good night. oh and i got named winky by a very very VERY smashed francesco who could not even walk by himself..lol! good times good times! =D

the return of the tag board

for those of you observant ones out there, you would have noticed little minor changes in the lay out of my blog. yes - its still the dull black one.. but there's been changes nonetheless.. such as my links.. and the return of the long awaited tag board... the reason for the delay being i was a lazy little pig watching tv series all day in my comfy comfy bed in my shoe box of a room. quite literally actually - the only time i got up was to get food. lol..


anyway.. yes.. my tagboard has returned.. for those of you who didn't like using the comment box.. or didnt know one existed.. yes there is one at the end of every post.. so enjoy taggin!
its so true when they say that you don't know how much somethings means until you have lost it. in this case, the absence of my tag board.


p.s. hhaha.. yeah i dunno whts ur middle name val.. care to tell?

men

my very wise aunt once sent me an email saying this.

men are either hungry or horny. if you don't see an erection, send a sandwich his way.

in my opinion. men are either hungry, horny or sleepy.

celine came back with this. you forgot gay.

true that. men are either hungry, horny, sleepy or gay (literally and metaphorically).

men.. can't live with them. can't live without them. then again, there are lesbians around. THAT says a lot...

mi. do. ri.

the easter holidays are here! whee!!! chocolate bunnies!!! hot cross buns! wheeeee!!!!

finally! two long law essays plus lotsa reading awaits me but what the heck. i deserve a bit of a holiday before.

here i come my baby! my midori! you are dearly missed!!!! >.<

tired

i know i have said this over a million times.
but i'm tired.
i'm exhausted.
i'm desperate. to get away from here. to get away from all of this.
i give up. call me a loser. call me anything you want. i just can't take this anymore.
i know its stupid to be emoing like this. but i'm just really really tired.
i can cry no more. i've run out of tears.
i keep going. but i can go no more.
stop pushing me already. i'm gonna fall off the edge.
someone give me a taste of what pure pain is like. so maybe then i can appreciate that my life isn't so fucked after all.

life sucks arse.

"why?" she questioned.

"because they are all envious of you. everyone wants to be you." said her little angel.

and just because of that - my life is a mess. my heart is a mess. my mind is a mess.