Sunday, April 22, 2007

of dreams (the sequel)

They say that dreams are a way of our subconscious talking to us.

Last night, I had a very weird dream. It was not abnormal weird kind of weird. It was weird in the sense that it felt like my subconscious was really talking SCREAMING out to me, wanting me to hear it for once. To put everything, absolutely everything aside, and just for once listen.

I was alone in the world where absolutely no one knew me. No BFFs to talk to. Family wasn't there for me anymore. Boyfriend left me. For someone who has been surrounded by so many people who loved me and whom I loved, I should feel really alone, neglected, solitude, unwanted, unloved, un-everything. But no. Surprisingly, no. To the contrary, I felt at peace with myself. I felt a sense of calm come over me. It was the whole works. Peaceful, serenity, calm, at ease. I did not mind it at all. I found it strangely comforting. It was nice.

And then, I woke up. Back to the world where I belonged to. A world where there are people who love me, care for me, worry about me. I am alone no more.

I cut myself.
Blood rushes through my veins from inside my body and overflows onto the table.
I feel adrenaline pumping through me.
I feel pain.
But pain is good.
Pain is what I want.
It takes my mind off from my heart and onto my wrist.
And I cut myself again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

heya babe. i used to cut myself too :D whatever you do, make sure the cut is somewhere not-so-obviously-visible in case you leave a cut deep enough to scar you for life and regret it later; aaaand, use a clean (preferably sterile) un-rusty knife please. or get your tetanus shots. :) better still, dont cut yourself. you'll later find that it wasnt worth it.

4/23/2007 5:15 pm  

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