and so

it all boils down to this.
it has happened and thats that.
thinking about it, mulling over it, bitching about it, talking about it, whining about it is not going to change the fact that it has happened.
and thats the way of life.
accept it, forgive, understand that whatever happens happens for a reason, get over it, move on.
its what we all do.
we've been taught that time and tide waits for no one.
and if you want to be stagnant, caught in the webs of time and space thats for you to decide.
both of us were just the middle person caught in the range of fire.
its either hiding the truth or breaking a promise.
it was by fault of no one that it has happened.
and understand that it happens to everyone.
yes. everyone. you're not the only one.
and as much as you'd like to believe, hiding and ignoring is not going to help anything.
i've asked you about it and you chose to say nothing about it.
does that mean that you're at fault too?
you knew that if anything, the one thing i wanted was to have this settled.
the fact that i was silent doesn't mean i should be anything less to you.
and the fact that you've said stuff doesn't mean i regard you as anything less.
because the truth is, we all gossip, we all bitch and most of all we all have secrets.
accept that and understand that.
as she would have quoted gandhi, "be the change that you want to see in the world" or whatever it was that he said.
and by the way, whatever happened with me and her back then, that was our problem to deal with.
it wasn't because of anybody else that we were like that.
we were foolish, stupid and wilful.
she shouldn't have been implicated.
we've come to terms with that and we've gotten over it.
you should too.
and by doing what you did, you should know that you have opened up wounds which were left tucked away in the corner to heal.
you should have known better.
and by this, i know that i am probably not any more mature than you are and i'm not saying that i am but there would have been no other way to get it across to you.
both of us are having this little war over something that does not in any way even really concerns the both of us.
so go have your little war with yourself.
and when you are done, come talk to me.

lies

so i may have lied about a couple of things. but it wasn't my prerogative to speak. and hey don't even for a moment think that i don't know you called me a liar, because i know. i damn well know about it. and even if i'm not that much of a saint, guess what you aren't either. what you are entitled to do, to say, as am i too. everything since then? all of it, fake.

Loneliness

The loneliness.
It engulfs.
Little by little.
Bit by bit.
And then there was none.

If you think you are having a bad day, think again.

A rather self-explanatory title, if I should say so myself.

i survived my midsessionals and i don't know what to do with myself so i am going to do a meme which i got tagged by wy and you are going to read it

1. How many children do you want?
hm, this question again. let's see, 1 kid seems kinda pathetic cos s/he will be lonely. 2 kids - when one leaves for college, the other will be lonely. 3 kids, they will fit nicely in the back seat of the car though they will be constantly arguing over who is to sit in the middle seat and theres the whole elder kid favouring the youngest kid and the second kid feeling left out. 4 kids, they won't fit into the backseat of a 5seater, and no I don't fancy driving a van. 5 kids - hey what do you think I am? a baby making machine!? pfffft! heck, I don't even know what I am having for breakfast tomorrow (actually I do... a nice egg mayo sandwich and a good ol cup of OJ) so how do you expect me to know how many kids I want?!

2. What do you want the most now?
To be able to retake my Contracts exam. To say that I flunked that one would be THE understatement of the year.

3. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Aren't I already grown up enough? Anymore growing from this point onwards is gonna be sideways buddy!

4. If you can have one more dream come true, what would it be?
To have enough money to do anything I want, but not enough for me to not do anything. <-- sounds like a plan. Or alternatively, WY's answer of having more dreams to come true.

5. What are you afraid to lose now?
The people I love and care about.

6. Do you believe in being in love forever?
I am the sucker that I am... for love.

7. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Definitely depends on the situation. I'll only confess it if I know for sure that it's not just a passing fancy and something definite. Like WY says, timing is VERY important. <-- ditto.. though I will probably admit it first (history shows a recurring pattern) before he does assuming that he DOES like me too.

8. What would you do when you're feeling down and depressed.
A good cry. Maybe some retail therapy. Food always helps. Texting Natasha Lim to call me works too since she has unlimited minutes unlike anyone else. Oh and probably bitching to anyone and everyone who will listen to me.

9. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I'm glad you asked! Important points would be that the person must be taller than I am (not that hard to do), have a good command of English, and is able to make decisions and not be all wishy-washy. Also, he has to be filial but not choose his mother over me, kind and generous but not a spendthrift, caring and extremely concerned of my well-being but not give in to me too much, intelligent but not be complacent with it, have a great sense of humour but not try to be the class clown, be adventurous but not unstable, be willing to change for me but not be too malleable, occasionally showers me with gifts, show me lots of affection but not be too clingy, be able to hold his end of the conversation with me but not argue with me. Also must not be any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.
Aren't you glad you asked? <-- gotta love Xin!

10. Which type of person do you hate the most?
People who are too UP THEMSELVES.

11. Do you cherish every single of your friendships?
I would like to say yes very much so.. though I think reality says otherwise. Some of them could probably use some working on.

12. Do you believe in God?
All I am going to say is, for someone who claims to not believe in God [one particular God anyway], I use God's name one hell of a lot.

13. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Being able to breathe?! It keeps me alive for a start.
Ok, seriously now. Family, my besties, my boyfriend, my mates and probably getting into Honours Stream for LLB.

14. Do you find it necessary for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
How oh how do I approach this question. I am currently with someone whom I love a lot. But if it ever comes down to me being single again, I would say that I would be able to go on living just fine without one as well.

15. What do you want your friends to be like?
People who will be there for me when I need them. Just like how I will be there for them when they need me. Friendship works both ways.

16. What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
Loyal, someone they can confide in, someone they know who will be there for them whenever the need arises.

17. If you can have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
I'd really like to be more patient! <-- Agreed. Currently I am a person who likes to see instant results (hence needing to be more patient), with people especially. I expect everything to be how I want it, where I want it, when I want it. I need to be less of a control freak. I need to learn to let go. I need to be less uptight.

18. If you're feeling low one day, who will you go to?
you know who you are ;)

19. Would you die in order to save the ones you love?
Yes. Though there is always the argument presented in Supernatural where Dean made a deal with the Crossroads Demon and gave up his life in return for Sam to be brought back to life. How much guilt do you think your loved one will shoulder knowing that you died in order for them to live. Can YOU live, or rather die knowing that your loved one will be shouldering the burden of guilt and being the reason of your death? Do you know how that feels like?

20. [My question] If you died and went to heaven, where you were given a second chance on Earth to live your life once more, what would you do differently and why?
Probably putting in a little bit more effort with the people I love and the people around me.


Instructions: Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions. Then tag 8 people in your links list at the end of the post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

I tagggggggggggggg Pan, Huei, Andy, Michael, Vinny, Allan, Benedict and Twin (again). Yes Allan, you've been tagged. AGAIN! muahahahaha

fewd

You would think that being miles apart, the both of us would have better things to keep us entertained with other than food. But on the contrary, the first thing I wake up to is her asking me to suggest something for her to eat.

her : wht should i have fr dinner
me : chicken cordon bleu
her : i can only get that at cheesecake factory which is like 25minsdriveawaywtf
me : chicken rice
her : had that few days ago. and why are you naming all chicken meal. lol
me : wonton mee
her : had that fr breakkie
me : go get a burger la you. so mafan
her : HAHAHHAHAHAHA. ask you to suggest sth also mafan. nonsense
me : :p i make awesome ass burgers btw
her : without pickles thank you very much.
me : i never had pickles in my burgers thank you
her : i dont mind more onions n tomatoes, n lettuce hahaha im a vege person
me : meat and bacon for me thank you
her : mmmmm both of that yum. i had vietnamese pork chop rice last nite. uncle drove all of us out to chinatown just to satisfy our cravings. and it was almost an hour's drive
me : i know what you can have... baked chicken rice
her : eeek anything but baked rice
me : blasphemy woman!
her : no its not eeek
me : blahhh.. i will not and shall not speak any longer to you... YOUUUUU... who insults the dearly beloved baked rice. how dare you
her : HAHAHAHAHAHA wtf ... anything but baked rice. seriously.
me : blasphemy


just your good olde conversations on a thursday morning.