apathy

Sitting at the dinner table earlier, I felt like kicking myself in the shin even if Mother hadn't. I simply do not understand myself on days. Actually make that most days. Just when I'm with the family. That's right... just when I'm with the family.

I can't point out the exact moment, but somewhere along the way I picked up the not so essential skill of apathy, or as Mother would call it "being the spoilt brat who is throwing a tantrum because of sleep depravation".

With the family, its usually one face, and one tone of voice with absolutely no hint of emotion other than that of apathy. Mother thinks its the sleep depravation talking. Grandmother thinks I'm just being plain rude. Mostly, I would just like to be left alone to my own devices as I have been all these years. Only difference is that now, I do it with a "just leave me alone and I don't really care about what you're saying" expression.

Emotion surges through my voice now and again, its appearances few and far between. No wonder Mother thinks that Brother is a much nicer child to be around. If I were her, I would be utterly exasperated to bear an apathetic child like me, too!

Like I said, a not so essential skill I picked up.

But you know what? I really, honestly, seriously, do not care. So there.