Insecurities

Walking into the mall, I noticed many a pretty girl with the perfect body, flawless skin going about their business be it shopping, wandering around aimlessly or even just hanging out with their mates. Looking at them, I felt a pang of envy go off inside of me. "Now, if only I had flawless skin and a trim body to boot" I thought to myself.

Most days, I would just shrug my bad skin and horrific body off as God's way of telling me "nothing in this world is perfect so just live with it". But not today. Today, self consciousness is oozing out of me from the very pores of my skin. I want flawless skin. I want a body to die for. I want to be the girl every guy wants to be seen with. I want to be the girl every girl wants to be. I don't wish to be perfect. No. Cos perfection is unobtainable. I could settle for a little less than perfect. Just a little.

Success, wealth, recognition, status etc can be achieved through two means in this world. Either you are brainy. Or you have the looks. Both of which gets you places. Its true that it may only get you so far and that substance is whats really needed. But can one really say that in this world where beauty is really MOSTLY only skin deep, having the looks and not having the looks is going to give you an equal footing?

I try. I really really try. But it seems to me that neither porcelain skin nor a slim body is coming my way anytime soon. And so, I try to substitute it with learning stuff and gaining knowledge. After all, knowledge is power. But however hard I try, no matter how much effort I put in, I am just never going to be good enough or smart enough.

So people tell me I am going to make it in life. And they tell me that I am gorgeous and beautiful. Do they really believe that? I'm sorry I'm being so cynical today. But nothing is going to convince me that I am smart, beautiful or do have what it takes because I honestly don't think I do. Today is one of those days, when nothing seems to be okay, and nothing will ever be. Today is one of those days when all I wanna do is disappear from this world. Today, is just one of those days when I really just wish, hope and pray that I am anybody but me.